1 year...
1 year since I last held your hand.
1 year since last said the words “I love you” to you.
1 year since we last talked about the precious life growing inside me that you loved so dearly. He’s now 10 months and reminds me of you every day.
1 year since you were released from your unimaginable pain here on earth.
1 year feels like an eternity and no time at all to be without you, Mom.
I wanted to share some of the words I wrote and spoke at my mother’s funeral last year. Her life was a short but incredibly lived 62 years. Her life was full of love, fun and faith. She truly touched and blessed so many she came into contact with. She was such a gift to us all. I wrote this eulogy as a way to reaffirm that her legacy while here will live on through me and the lives she touched.
I spoke this in front of family and loved ones 7 months pregnant at her memorial service July 9th, 2019. I made it through without crying because I was focused on sharing her spirit and remembering her well. It was important to not just share facts, but to laugh and celebrate her because she was so much of what joy was. I remember feeling like this short description felt like it paled in comparison to all she was and barely scratched the surface describing her. But it was something. Please read and remember her legacy with me.
All the love,
Staci
“So I’m stealing a bit of writing style from Dad. All growing up, he never wanted our Christmas letters to be this long drawn out narrative explaining every detail of the year, front and back of the page like everyone else. Maybe I should add...they were lovely to receive by the way. Instead, he liked to hit the funny highlights, something punchy, usually in some kind of Top 10 countdown. So I figured I’d follow this Nelson Family tradition to honor and remember my beautiful Mama’s life now. Although, it could have easily been a Top 100 list for this incredible woman.
Top 8 Moments You Knew to Say, “That’s Sandi!”
1. Her Southern Hospitality
One of the memories about my mom most mentioned by some of you is her famous Louisiana Gumbo. Many of us probably share the memory of sitting down to a seemingly innocuous Nelson dinner, only to find a gigantic spoon as the sole utensil for the tantalizing bowl of steaming gumbo in front of you. You were then informed it was the ginormous spoon you had to work with or sing a song to earn back regular cutlery. And that was so my mom to get a chuckle out of creating an awkward situation. But it wasn’t just the ingredients in her gumbo that made it special. When I began learning to make gumbo, mom told me the most important ingredients were 1) the love you put into it, knowing the people you are making it for, and 2) remembering the generations of women in our family who did the same thing I was doing right then. Gumbo made mom feel connected to the incredible women that influenced her life. Her Momo, Lillie Lake Mott, and her Mom, June Derick. She filled every pot full of love, thinking about the friends and family who would soon be eating it. I loved knowing this and it reminds me now what an incredibly big heart my mom has always had for people.
2. Her Faith
Now most moms embarrass their children - breaking out in a random song or telling an embarrassing story from childhood. Well my mom did that too, but I also remember when she made this really cute boy from our church her “prayer project” as he and his brother headed down to Kansas and then Hurricane Katrina relief efforts. I had a feeling there was an ulterior motive as this was a way to keep in contact with them and pray that this young boy might possibly be the young man God had for her daughter. Well, her prayers worked. So thankful for my husband and the love I know my mom has always had for him. But I now know her prayers weren’t sneaky, they have always been genuine and real and direct to God. She’s the one who made me believe in the power of prayer, not only because it got me the most incredible husband, but because of the lives she has touched with it and the change it had made in her. Too many stories to recount here.
Mom’s faith came at an early age. The call of God was strong enough for her that she would walk several blocks down Chicago streets alone, at the age of 6 just to get to church. Her faith and love of God only grew even through the holy rolling pentacostal days in the South. Nothing was more real to her than her faith. She was the first to point to God as the reason behind her constant joy and her peace. She embodied Christ’s compassion and heart for people, no matter how flawed. She knew God would sustain her through the difficult times and give her the exact strength she needed to make it through. She knew God held everything in his hands and had a perfect plan for her life. She will always be a woman of faith I look up to and want to become more like in my own walk with God.
3. Her Dedication
I remember in elementary school, at the height of when you were suppose to be embarrassed by your parents, my mom decided to start working at my school as a recess aid. But instead of being embarrassed, I was proud. All my friends loved having Mrs. Nelson on the playground. She always had a bright smile on her face, was a bit goofy and always had a way of showing love to every kid she met. This hasn’t changed in the 20 years she has continued to work in the school district. Her dedication to her work, continuing education, children and fellow staff members have become a large part of her life she loved. She knew each person she came in contact with and wanted to show them the love of Christ which she embodied so easily.
4. Her as a Mother
You may have heard a mother’s love goes far. Well my mom’s love for her kids took her to some great heights. We were visiting Fairmont Hotsprings in Montana one summer. The springs had a rather large pool area complete with a high diving board. Jared was probably 8 or 9 and was on a continuous circuit of climbing and jumping off this high dive. He eventually came up to mom and begged her to go off the diving board too. She relented finally and began walking towards the high dive. Jared and I had big grins on our faces as we watched mom approach. This was going to be something to see. She finally began to climb the tall ladder but experienced a bit of doubt as the reality became real as to how high this thing actually was. All of a sudden there was a voice in the crowd that began chanting, “Sandi. Sandi. Sandi.” And then more voices joined in with the chant as all eyes began to turn toward the high dive. I remember looking across the pool and seeing anticipatory looks in people’s faces as my mom slowly climbed the ladder. Even with the full support of the entire pool, my mom wasn’t having it anymore and looked down to begin her decent. But just then, she saw a small red haired boy enthusiastically yelling, “Sandi. Sandi. Sandi.” with his fist pumping in the air. She was stuck. She got to the top of the dive, slowly made her way to the edge and jumped in. Everyone erupted into a cheer for our mom!
Mom was told early on that she most likely would never be able to have children. She never took for granted that God gave her two miracle babies. Cue angelic halos over Jared and I. She poured so much of herself into us growing up, volunteering at our schools and knowing all our friends, talking me through the abundance of hormonal tears as I transitioned into puberty, being the voice of reason for my dad as I chose a college that was not WSU. I think I grew even closer to her as I became a mother myself. No one can fully appreciate a mother’s sacrifice or her unfathomable capacity to love as much as one who has become a mother herself. And I’m so thankful I got to experience this unspoken motherly bond with her because as cliche as it sounds, she was the best mom and will continue to be for Jared and I as we remember and love her.
5. Her as a Momo
Ben and I had made an elaborate plan to announce the arrival of our first baby. We had set the table with baby shrimp cocktails, baby carrots, baby potatoes and baby back ribs. We invited family over to see if they could guess the theme. Well, no one was getting the theme, but that’s beside the point. Everyone had a pretty stunned response as the news of what we were saying sunk in...except Mom. She screamed and clapped and hugged us. Now I don’t hold the other responses against anyone, but mom was sure fun to watch and her enthusiasm as a Momo never let down. I caught my parents doing things I never imagined, like rolling on the floor with my baby and sneaking treats right and left to them. But the joy on their faces was so worth it. She loved her grandbabies more than anything. As a Momo, she taught my babies how to love others, how God is always there for them and how to pray to him; she taught them how to have fun and be goofy; she sang made up songs about them and they would giggle and giggle about it. So many wonderful memories of my boys and mom giggling away.
6. Her Love for her Husband
When Ben and I became engaged, my mom started busting out some good ol’ marriage advice. Lots of words of wisdom... but the one that stood out the most was: if you find yourself in the heat of an argument with your husband, just randomly lift up your shirt and flash him. I was slightly traumatized when I first heard this advice. But when I think of my parent’s marriage, I think of the importance of fun and humor which they have captured so well in their 34 years of marriage. It all started when dad kidnapped all mom’s stuffed animals, took a polaroid of the small stuffed paws tied up and blindfolded, sent a ransom note insisting she would never see them again unless she baked them 2 dozen cookies. Oh, but she got him back. A few specially made chocolate covered sponges sent to dad and dad’s call to mom explaining he had an unexplainable unquenchable thirst, and the deal was sealed. They have cared more deeply for each other as each year passes. I have learned so much about what it means to care and love someone deeply. Working and growing together through tough times. Keeping God at the center. And the importance of dumping a cold cup of water on your husband while he’s in the shower, nothing like a little morning surprise.
7. Her Fight
Upon mom’s diagnosis, it was definitely overwhelming in many ways but she said she never felt scared. She was ready to fight. She knew God could sustain her enough to get through the journey that lay ahead of her. In many ways, she was our leader through this fight. Nothing about the last few months has been easy, for her or for my dad. And definitely moments of fear and uncertainty. But God did give them what they needed in the form of support from family and friends, prayers from all over, doors that opened for them, good memories they were able to make together even in this last year. Every day God gave her was a gift not only to her but to all of us. We learned to treasure every part of her and the influence she has had in our life. Her fight was a tough one but she fought it and was a pillar of what it means to face challenges with incredible grace, love and faith.
8. Her Legacy
Her legacy is all these things I have mentioned. She leaves it for all of us to carry on. I know she won’t be forgotten. Instead of putting up a bubble around me as I go about my day, maybe I’ll show someone they matter and take time to hear about their life story. Maybe I’ll dump a couple more cups of cold water on my husband as he’s in the shower. Every pot of gumbo I prepare, I’ll think about the women in my life who have passed down their stories and strength to me. I’ll continually share with my babies, one of the greatest women of faith I knew was their Momo. And how much she cared that they have a personal relationship with Christ. So help me continue her legacy in the small moments of your life as well. “